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Little Steps of Faith


November 14, 2010 I posted to Facebook:
"Why did I go there?   Why didn't he?"

Nathan had just dropped me off at home after we finally had the opportunity to celebrate our anniversary. We had been in our courtship for 3 years and I was expecting more out of our time together than he was. We were on the same page when we agreed to enter this relationship with the intent to get married, but somewhere in the waiting, we got out of sync. Nathan was working for Fresno County Parks and Recreation and didn't have the finances to raise a family, so he refused to officially propose until he could afford to take care of me. It made me so frustrated and I sadly met every milestone with hopeful anticipation that he might put a ring on it.

I remember so vividly how I felt when I posted this. I went to dinner that night thinking he was going to finally propose - and when he didn't I was crushed inside. I spent the night and the better part of the next day crying into my pillow. Little did I know that the following anniversary would be even worse. Another year passed along with a dozen opportunities he didn't take advantage of... magical moments of joy and laughter inevitably ending in my crying secret tears. I loved him so much and wanted so badly for him to make the gesture that proved he felt the same.
It wasn't until December of that following year that I couldn't wait anymore and gave him until the end of the year to officially commit.

He proposed on New Years Eve, just a couple hours before the year was over.
Minutes after he proposed
Later I would find out that he had planned to propose at Disneyland the following month, but that my parents told him not to wait. And although it would have been amazing, I'm so glad he didn't wait.
Not long after he proposed, God opened the door to a great job for Nathan as a sub. Once he stepped out in faith, God provided. Everything fell into place after that. We were married another year later, following 5 years of courtship.

If you're waiting for the perfect time to make a move (no matter what that move might be), it'll never happen. It doesn't work that way. I almost left Nathan. Which brings me to another point... don't be impatient. I knew that Nathan was God's will for my life, but I was so caught up in my own desire that I almost missed out on this amazing life with this amazing man and our amazing miracle child.
It hasn't been easy, but nothing worth anything ever is. It takes hard work, dedication and little leaps of faith. Sometimes all God wants us to do is step out. Sometimes He just needs us to hold on a little longer. No matter what side of the equation you're standing on, God is still faithful. He loves us and He wants the best for us. Pray, seek His face, and don't get tired of doing what is right.

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